Thankful Thursday - Awakening

IMG_0730.JPG

My entire life, I’ve often felt like I don’t quite fit in. That folks don’t really “get” me – that I was always lingering on the edges trying to be just like everyone else, to be accepted. Weird, emotional, too serious at times and too silly at other times were things I’ve often heard about myself – especially as a child. Fast forward to trying to start a family with my husband, Wes, living on a US Naval Air Base at the time (where everyone knows everyone’s business) and of course I was again the one on the outside edges, not quite fitting in. Not only was I extremely infertile, I’d also need a gestational surrogate to carry my children – something that most people were completely unfamiliar with. As I’ve gotten older my armor has gotten stronger, I appear fearless to some, but deep down I still have an innate yearning to “fit-in” and here I was – THE most different than everyone around me in my entire life.

August 13, 2015 – pictured here – our embryo transfer day to our gestational surrogate, Cat. Most people close to me know about this day and the joy I was filled with, many also know that a week prior to this day I found out I was pregnant, naturally. The chances of this happening were so miniscule it’s not even worth calculating the tiny percentage. We knew there was only a slim chance my body could sustain this natural pregnancy and the numbers weren’t looking good – so we decided to press on with the transfer to our surrogate. What most people don’t know is that I miscarried that very morning pictured above. As I lay on the hotel bathroom floor in wretched pain, in San Ramon, CA (where the transfer would be), Cat in the room across the hall, I remember just begging God to let me “fit-in” – and for all of this pain and heartache to pass, to help me feel less broken.

Almost 4 years later, with so much in my life to be grateful for I’ve had quite the awakening. I am not broken and NOT fitting in is actually my SUPER POWER, a power that has helped make my life all that it is, has been and will be – and it’s a life I’m quite proud of.

- Mary Kennerly, Founder + Former Intended Mother