Sharing That You've Decided to Become a Gestational Surrogate

Telling Friends and Family You've Decided to Become a Surrogate.png

How & when to share with others your decision to become a gestational surrogate:

Becoming a surrogate is one of the most selfless and generous acts a person can do in their lifetime. Having a solid support system is key to a successful surrogacy journey and is important to get established early in the process.  So, when and how is the best way to let others know you’ve made this decision? 

Your partner:

It is of the utmost importance that your partner be aware of and supportive of your decision to become a surrogate before the decision has even been made.  If your partner isn’t supportive of your decision, that should be a stopping point.  Some men don’t feel comfortable with the thought of their partner pregnant with a baby that isn’t his.  Whatever his reasoning, your partner will be a huge part of your journey and your support system, so he needs to be 100% on board before you apply to become a surrogate.

Your close friends and family:

We believe that telling your immediate family members and friends about your decision to become a gestational carrier during the decision-making and planning process is the best time as they can be an invaluable resource of support and advice.  They can help you decide if surrogacy is right for you and if the timing seems right.  They can also provide needed support during the initial stages of the medical process and pregnancy when you will be busy with appointments and maybe not feeling 100%. 

Your children:

Surrogacy will have an impact on your whole family.  It is important to involve your children in the surrogacy experience. Explain what you are doing to your children over a period and early in the process.  Depending on their age, they may simply accept what you tell them, or they may have a lot of questions along the way.  With younger children you can simply tell them that there is a woman who really wants a baby but her tummy is broken so you are going to help her become a mommy using your tummy to help the baby grow.  Explain to your child in terms they can understand and easily share with others who they may tell. 

Strangers:

You will want to decide how to respond to strangers before you start to show because your pregnant belly is sure to attract attention!  It usually isn’t necessary to explain your surrogacy decision or the process, or even that you’re a surrogate at all, you can simply answer their as if it were a normal pregnancy.  If you do choose to tell people, this is a great opportunity to educate people on the topic as most people are fascinated by it. 

When people don’t agree:

Even though you are excited about becoming a surrogate, not everyone will be.  If there is someone in your life who you know will not be supportive of your decision, you don’t have to tell them right away.  When you do eventually talk to them about it, be happy and confident in your choice.  Don’t let their opinions sway your decision if this is something you are set on doing. 

Commonly asked questions:

When you start to tell people about your decision to become a surrogate, expect a lot of questions.  You will get a lot of the same questions.  Here are some you are sure to be asked:

·       How could you carry a baby for 9 months and then just give it up?

·       How much are you getting paid?

·       Why did you decide to do this?

·       How do they put the baby in?

·       Is it your baby?