Building Relationships – Intended Parents & Gestational Surrogates

Building Relationships – Intended Parents & Gestational Surrogates

The key word from day 1 for both intended parents and the gestational surrogate is vulnerability. Yep, I know – that’s a scary word but hear me out. I often greet and welcome intended mothers into the most exclusive club of all time – a club we NEVER asked to be in. The “I need a gestational surrogate to carry my baby(ies) club.” Most often, we’ll chuckle about this but it really is the truth. In most cases the Intended Mothers have suffered tremendously trying to have a child. Infertility PTSD is a REAL thing. Then throw on top of that the fact that she can’t carry her own child (if it was ever to happen). I can instantly pull the exact moment out of my memory archives when I was told I’d need a surrogate. I’m transported back to the doctor’s office and can feel the chair beneath me, see exactly what I was wearing, the look in my husband’s eyes – all of it.  It’s been over 4 years since that day and it still feels so real when it pops up. I remember feeling absolutely alienated when I received the news. I was full of so much shame and heartbreak. How in the hell can’t my body do what it’s made to do?!

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Thankful Thursday - Risk

Thankful Thursday - Risk

I’m going to take a risk by being vulnerable and transparent with this post. Even as I write this, I am thinking to myself, “What will people think”? “I’m a business owner, I can’t admit my faults and weaknesses because it could reflect poorly on my business and my abilities.” “Why should I share this with the world when I could write about something safe”. Well, here goes…

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Thankful Thursday - Unexpected Moments of Awe

Thankful Thursday - Unexpected Moments of Awe

Thankful Thursday – Unexpected Moments of Awe

Monday evening, sitting on the couch finally unwinding from a hellish few days with very sick twin 3 year-olds, feeling a bit lousy myself, a text popped up on my phone. Upon opening it, my breath completely left my body.  Aunt Diane, my father’s youngest sister (youngest of 9 total!) had found a photo of my father at age 6 or 7 that she thought I’d enjoy. I knew it was my father, of course but I was literally staring at my son Reed’s face just a few short years from now. I was overcome with emotion, tears filled my eyes. I was completely in awe. His sweet expression so comforting to me.

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Thankful Thursday - Children "Growing Up"

Thankful Thursday - Children "Growing Up"

Thankful Thursday  - Children “Growing Up”

I became a surrogate when my children were 3 years and 5 years old.  After that, in their minds, in order to get pregnant, you had to go to California where doctors put a baby or two in your tummy.  That was good enough for them, and me, until last year.

My daughter is now 9 years old. Last year we had “the talk” after she began to ask questions.  We read a book together that was very basic and straight to the point.  I spared the details for a more mature age but we have maintained an open dialogue about the subject ever since.

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Thankful Thursday - Awakening

Thankful Thursday - Awakening

My entire life, I’ve often felt like I don’t quite fit in. That folks don’t really “get” me – that I was always lingering on the edges trying to be just like everyone else, to be accepted. Weird, emotional, too serious at times and too silly at other times were things I’ve often heard about myself – especially as a child. Fast forward to trying to start a family with my husband, Wes, living on a US Naval Air Base at the time (where everyone knows everyone’s business) and of course I was again the one on the outside edges, not quite fitting in. Not only was I extremely infertile, I’d also need a gestational surrogate to carry my children – something that most people were completely unfamiliar with. As I’ve gotten older my armor has gotten stronger, I appear fearless to some, but deep down I still have an innate yearning to “fit-in” and here I was – THE most different than everyone around me in my entire life.

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