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Spousal Support 

Why spousal support is necessary

When you choose to pursue surrogacy, you are making a life-altering decision that will affect you in many ways. However, you are not the only person who will be impacted. It is important to think about the many ways your surrogate pregnancy will affect your significant other. The husbands or partners of surrogates play a vital role in the surrogate journey so if your significant other is not supportive of your surrogacy plans, or if your relationship is not stable going into the surrogacy process, there can be significant ramifications for your success as a surrogate, your relationship and your well-being. Talking to your partner before deciding to become a surrogate is not only necessary, it is the best way to prepare for your journey ahead.

Every surrogacy experience is different, and some couples may face more challenges than others. Here are some common ways your relationship may be impacted by surrogacy:

Limitations on Intimacy: Leading up to the embryo transfer you will take fertility medications which can make a pregnancy more likely. You and your partner will need to abstain from intimate activity during this time as well as after the transfer, until the heartbeat is confirmed— likely between 1-3 months. You will also have to consent to doctors’ orders about abstaining from sex if complications arise. Your level of intimacy may also decrease during pregnancy as many couples are generally less intimate during this time, and others feel differently about sex when carrying a baby for another family.  

Conversations about the pregnancy: People who are unfamiliar with surrogacy are often intrigued by it and have a lot of questions and comments. Your partner may be asked about how he feels about the pregnancy. You both need to be prepared to answer these questions and to talk about surrogacy with others.    

Limited Activity: As with any other pregnancy, certain activities will have to be put on hold or limited. You may be required to rest or even be put on bed rest, and you may be too tired to take part in family outings. Travel will not be permitted during the last part of pregnancy.  

A Shift in Household Responsibilities: Your partner may need to help with more of the household chores, childcare, and daily logistics during your pregnancy. Putting this on the table in advance allows couples to strategize, prioritize, and plan for potential shifts in the division of household labor.

Some examples of practical ways your spouse can help keep you off your feet and alleviate stress are:

  • Take over specific and pre-arranged tasks in the realms of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping.

  • Tending to the children- helping kids with homework, picking up kids from school, taking them to their activities, and bedtime.

 

How Delivering Hope can support the spouse

If you are having difficulties talking to your significant other about surrogacy, or if he or she has reservations about your surrogacy plans, Delivering Hope is here to support you both in coming to clarity. Many men worry how surrogacy will affect their partner’s emotional and physical health, as well as the health of their  relationship, preconceived ideas or negative stories may have put them off the idea, they may not like the idea of you carrying another man’s child, or they may not completely understand what surrogacy is. Cat’s husband Silas had reservations, but he knew how much Cat desired in her heart to become a surrogate, so they agreed to work through their questions and uncertainties together. When Silas met and got to know Mary’s husband Wes, the two developed a strong and supportive friendship. At that point, both couples became a team with the same goal— to have a safe, healthy pregnancy and to deliver thriving twins.

With first hand knowledge of all aspects of the surrogacy experience, Silas and Wes have partnered in Delivering Hope’s goal of transparency, open communication and support. They are both available to have an open and honest conversation with your partner and to answer any questions they may have.